Wednesday, October 05, 2011

Struggling

I've been trying to find and/or do creative things to post for you this week.

Really, I have....

But I'm kind of in a funk.

September was a very hard month for our household...there were three cases of virus, one of which landed us in the emergency room.

There was a second trip to the emergency room in an ambulance (everyone is fine, but it was a little scary at the time).

There were some significant work challenges and there were some significant home challenges.

There were a lot of late nights...

I've had a lot on my mind.

On Friday, as we closed out September, I was nursing the edges of a migraine. It was playing around my eyes...not quite coming and not quite leaving...an exhausting way to push through a day.

On Saturday for reasons I won't actually enumerate here, me and my not-quite-a-migraine were up at 4:30 am...and while I was doing what I needed to do at that unGodly hour, I could hear my little Hunny girl on her pillow tossing and occasionally wimpering.

At 7:30, when I was finished with my "have to's" and went to check on her...she was in bad shape.

So off to the vet we went...and I came home alone. My sweet little old (very old) Pomeranian went to get her angel wings.


Its odd to me that the death of my little companion is the straw that broke the camels back for me. But that is how it is.

I think its because for so long she was my only companion, my constant furry little shadow.


She was a total princess...and an alpha at that...not so unlike her mama, I guess.


She had a way of coming to me right when I needed her to and she would always just hang out with me without really requiring much more than the opportunity to sit in my lap (or the laundry basket)


I'm gong to miss her...

And since that moment of good-bye, I've been fighting a battle with inertia...if I HAVE to move, I do...If I don't have to move, I don't....thus, my family is being loved and cared for, my work is getting done, but my creative soul is hiding and if I could, I would park my butt on the couch and watch marathons of NCIS or Bones or something like that.

I feel blessed to have a solid relationship with God...I know that this too shall be used for my good, because He promises it in His Word. (Romans 8:28) I know that He will walk with me through my struggles and uphold me in His righteousness. Where I am broken, He will be sufficient. I'm so thankful that I have Christ Jesus to rely upon...it is truly salvation to know.

I'll be back next week (or maybe later this week) with something FAR more inspiring!

Peace, ya'll.

7 comments:

Kai said...

Oh Felecia - I am SO sorry... I know how it feels to lose a furry loved one, having had to send my Hunter off to get his wings in March. :( I know how the funk sets in. Give it time. Let yourself get through it as you need to. Sending you tons of hugs and love.

MaryC said...

I feel you completely. I haven't lost a pet or a person recently but I do get it. I get the funk. I get the need to vegetate in front of the television.
I am praying for you since I know you are praying for me too. God can hold us both up.
XO

Rachel said...

So sorry, Felecia. :(
It's hard to lose a long-time companion, I know. And I sure know how it is to be stuck in the only what HAS to be done rut.

But you're right, things will turn around soon. You have perspective. AND you have great family and friends ("real" and cyber-wise)to stand by you. ;)

Sending you virtual hugs and positive thoughts. xoxoxo

Photographing Mom said...

So sorry to read about the loss of your little friend. :'(

Arlene Camacho said...

awww...I'm sooo sorry that you've had all these things to contend with...and then lose your buddy...boy do i feel your pain on how exhausting it can be to try to push through it all...

But...you've got everything in the right perspective. ro.8:28 is such a beautiful passage....

lots of cyber hugs, my friend!

Patty said...

So sorry to hear about your loss Felicia. That is such a heavy thing and it leaves a hole in your life for a bit. So take that time and heal it. Hope you feel better!!!
xoxox

Meghann said...

So sorry about your puppy. I can't imagine losing my Toby. Praying that your creative mojo comes back to you soon.