Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Things I want today....

Its not like me to be utterly selfish...

I have a husband, two adorable little boys, magnificent friends and a job I love. So most days, I'm content to let others have their way with very little resistance. I cannot say NO resistance, because, as my husband would tell you, that is simply not true. I resist plenty often...but not a lot...just a little...

Anyway...I don't know if its spring upon us and my first peek at daffodils, or the fact that my house is once again in the throes of seasonal illnesses, or that I have just passed a 5 year anniversary with a company I thought I would only work at a couple of years, or of the fact that I have been swept far away from my own dreams by the life choices of those around me...whatever the reason, today, I feel SELFISH.

Utterly SELFISH.

I want only what I want and nothing else.

I don't want to take care of anyone else, listen to anyone else complain or brag, accommodate anyone else's needs, desires, whims or follies, pick up after anyone else, cover for anyone else, anything. Period. for. anyone. Else.


I don't think this is an entirely uncommon feeling, especially among working mothers...I just think that women are often better at putting themselves aside out of duty than men and children and teenagers. I'm probably GROSSLY over-generalizing, but that is how I feel today.

So...anyway...I've been thinking, day dreaming really, about how I would spend time on just me. Here is my list so far:

Clean my house.  Ok..that one is weird, I guess. But i would love to see a spotless floor, no laundry and shoes that remain put away for a longer period of time than the usual 10 minutes it lasts.
A long stint with coffee and the news paper
Get my journals, magazines and some tea and sit for a few hours just putting things into my journals.
Reading my Bible
Writing - It is not my personal wish to write a book...but I do like to write...maybe if I sat down and did it uninterrupted I might get something reasonable down on paper.
TV - lots of it...rediculous amounts of NCIS, NCIS: LA, Bones, all the CSI's, the Glades, White Collar, old SG-1 episodes, all my "death killer shows" as my hubs puts it.
Organize my computer files - I know where everything is, but it would be nice if I knew where it was AND it was someplace that made sense!
Walk...long, drawn out, meandering, walks of curiosity and pictures
Chocolate...I would need some chocolate
Paint with my new water colors
Experiment with different art projects.
Read my period mysteries with a bit of tea and some scones.
Go to the beach. Sit on the sand. do nothing else.

So, you see...my time alone, if I ever had any, would be spent QUITE differently than it is now.

Its a shame we don't get "selfish" time...or...that I don't get "selfish" time.

I could use it.

How about you?  Could you use it?  What would you do with it?

Peace, ya'll!


Kai said...

I'm actually actively working on getting that time for myself EVERY day. Not in huge bulk time, like we all wish for (and I don't think it's selfish, it's more self-preservation). I decided that I was done taking care of everyone and everything else... seriously, done. But, obviously, that's not possible 100%, but I have put myself higher on the list of priority... eventually to be #1... because if you don't take care of #1 (you) then you're not very good/healthy/well to take care of anything or anyone else. So... one bit of time every day, I do exactly what I want to do... even if I have to set a timer. Bits of heaven in an otherwise Ugh day. :) And every time I do it successfully (and success is not daily), my sister's voice reverberates though my head, "Self CARE is not Self ISH." :)

MaryC said...

Things I Want Today?

Thin thighs...yep, that about covers it.

nancy said...

I guess I have trouble with the way we all use the word "selfish." It has come to mean doing things for yourself, and I'm not sure that that concept deserves the negative connotation it's acquired.

I also think we women have a knack for subduing our own desires to make other people happy. I do it for Dan. And I am slooooowly starting to see that it's not necessary. I was raised with this maxim: The way to a good life is J-O-Y, Jesus Others You. Which is the order in which you should arrange your priorities in life. I don't believe that anymore.

I'm working on getting my behavior to match my new beliefs. It's a work in progress. Thanks for a thought-provoking post, F!

Sarabeth Hudson said...

Definitely thought provoking and emotion provoking! I feel that way sometimes, too. When I list things out in my head that I would do with my time, I think I probably need several weeks alone to do it all and still be able to enjoy it! Then I think how much I'd miss taking care of those who have been entrusted to my care. But still maybe a week would be nice :) I do think, though, that working moms may feel differently because I can't imagine missing covering or filling in for someone at work! I'm with Kai on trying to steal away a little time (at least 15 minutes) each day to do something for yourself. It is the fastest 15 minutes of the day, though!

**** April **** said...

I don't think that making time for you to do what you like ad what you want constitutes selfish. I think as a person you have to do the things that please you too to feel like YOUR cup of joy doesn't run empty pleasing others.

I mean, heck, my mother in law said she spent 40+ years of her life pleasing everyone else and apparently at 46 years old she's now miserable and divorced her husband, sold their dream home and is just fake and bitter now. When you see her smile, you always wonder if it's genuine... you wonder when you see her if she's going to say something catty...

SO... DO take care of what YOU WANT in the here and now, TOO because YOU ARE WORTH IT and your wants and needs are JUST AS IMPORTANT as anyone else's!

Meghann said...

I think "me" time is definitely good for us. You need it every once in a while. Last Sunday, I took some "me" time and got a manicure. I came home feeling like a million bucks!