When we got the topic for the January REFLECTION kit from Scrapbooking From the Inside Out, I honestly thought to myself, "This is not going to be fun!"
You see, me and my reflection have had an ongoing battle most of my life...I don't like what I see there.
Now, before I go on, please know...I'm not looking for your sympathy or for you to think I'm in some way maladjusted or weepy or wallowing. I'm not.
Over the years, I've dealt with a lot of my confidence and perfectionist issues and have really come to understand a bit who I am in Christ...how I am completely loved, totally forgiven, and uniquely created to fulfill God's unique plan for me.
Its a journey. I have to remind myself daily of who God says I am...and try valiantly to really ignore who the world says I am. Its not an easy proposition. I may not look in the mirror and scream, "YOU GORGEOUS THING YOU!!!" but I'm whole and healthy and pretty in touch with the fact that what I see there is not what is REALLY there. I'm aware that my eyes have filters applied that I have to purposely remove...and its all good. I appreciate who I am and what it is that I stand for.
BUT, designing for SFTIO is about getting to the heart of the matter and really digging into the monthly theme. I didn't feel that I would be doing my quest for transparency and my desire for peace and healing any favors if I stuffed my first instinct to scrap about how I don't really care for my own reflection. You see, it does me no good to hide, harbor, nurture and grow negative feelings.
Now...some of you may think this is just rediculous.
Others of you may find that this resonates with you...
I've found over time that "damaged by the hurts inflicted by others" is way more normal than "normal."
And, I don't think ANYONE can say that at some point or another in their lives they have not suffered the taunts of another human being and died just a little bit inside.
That is what this layout is about:
While I didn't intend for it to be that way, really, I've seen in the SFTIO gallery some comments that the little circles look like little compact mirrors. They are right. It is serendipitous. My intent was to show bits...like peeking through a keyhole...just flashes and then distress...which is my experience with a mirror.
I thought this gorgeous little bird represented my spirit, my soul...glittey and blingy and precious and delicate.