Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Tug, Tug

I've been reading a lot.

I've been thinking a lot.

I've been praying a lot.

There has been a minor upheaval in my world...enough for the tug tug tug of my heart, mind, soul, spirit to get back to reflecting and writing about spiritual and creative matters here.

I'm strapped for time...precisely the time to attempt something new, right?

In my head, there are broad, sweeping stories of faith and clarity and understanding.

My friend Heather says I'm good at connecting the dots...a dot here, a dot there, a dot in one more place and I can see how it all fits, why it matters, what it means...

and I've had that tug tug tug on me to write these things...here...on my blog...like I used to...before I..um...became a working mommy of two...

I never know how much to put myself out there.

But I've been reading and thinking and praying...

And I know that God has something for me to write about that has to do with authenticity and creativity and how I'm a clay pot for sure but not the SAME clay pot as the clay pot next to me..

He's got something for me about my creative voice...what, in the great wide world, would I have a voice about?

Maybe after years of struggling with my self image and finding a muse that just lights me on fire to be my weird and not all that conventional self.

Maybe how when you reconnect with grade school/neighborhood/high school/college/first marriage friends you don't have to be the same person.

Maybe that its ok to wear green socks with your outfit if you like green socks.

Maybe how I've been inspired to wear my big stone jewelry again...

Maybe, just maybe, you are looking for your voice too...and you want to wear green socks too...and you want to be authentic...and you want to be set on fire (not literally...you get the picture)...and you want to hear your OWN voice when you open your mouth...and you want to be the best YOU that YOU can be...

Maybe that is why I'm feeling a tug tug tug...because you feel it too....

2 comments:

Rachel said...

Wow.
I am seriously wearing kelly green socks today. They do not match the rest of my outfit. They're hidden under my jeans and tennis shoes, so no one else knows they're there, but they are there.
How strange that you picked that one random example...
It's a bit of a paradox, I think, because sometimes when I read your most contemplative posts, I feel like you're speaking directly me. Yet, I know others feel the same way.
In any case, you are an inspiration. I'm in a place right now where I'm trying to figure out who I am, trying to figure out how to have a relationship with someone I love without disappearing into him, trying to figure out what I really want/need and what the difference is between the two.
All I know is, whatever you have to say...I want to hear it.
Thanks for being here and being you. I'm so glad I found you.

**** April **** said...

I think Iknow many women in the same spot you're at right now... I love the clay pot reference... it's so true...and we are never hardening... we remain malable and moldable and need to be acceptaing of change. When we stay the same, we stagnant and it's not what He wants... its hard sometime... when I find I'm in times like these, a lot of time I'll read some Max Lucado books to Drew... like the story of Punchinello... and how the stickers won't stick when he realizes he's fantastically made. :)