Saturday, June 19, 2010

musings that stick to the roof of your mind

Disclaimer... these are NOT my musings. This is a viral e-mail that I totally ripped off from Kai. So here you go... musings that stick to the roof of your mind:

1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history when you die. (You see that Kathy? Teri? Somebody???)

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're dead wrong.

3. I totally regret all those times I didn't want to take a nap when I was younger.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm character on the keyboard.

5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

7. MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they reported how the person died.

9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you
just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after BluRay? I sure don't want to have to restart my collection...again...for the fifth (or sixth?) time!

13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save the changes to my ten-page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.

14. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this - ever.

15. I hate it when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Damn it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voice mail. What did you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?

16. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

17. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I'll know not to answer when they call. This is not entirely true. But I sure do have a lot of numbers in there for people who never seem to call me...

18. Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it. Like Grease...HELLO!

19. I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

20. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

21. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?

22. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars close up to prevent some jerk from cutting in. - Stay strong, brothers and sisters!

23. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

24. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

25. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'll bet everyone can find and whack the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1½ seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time!

26. My check the oil light has been on for three months now and nothing's happened. I'm starting to think that my car is just an attention whore.

27. I don't understand the purpose of the line, "I don't need to drink to have fun." Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and sticks when they've invented the match?

28. Sometimes I pretend not to remember details about people because having a good memory apparently equates to creepiness.

29. My GPS says "Estimated Arrival Time." I see "Time to Beat."

30. Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".

31. My keyboard needs a removable crumb tray like my toaster.

32. What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?

33. I wish it were appropriate to say to a complete stranger, "Excuse me, would you like me to show you how to discipline your child?"

34. I never understood why the Lions and Cowboys always get to play on Thanksgiving. Shouldn't the Patriots play the Redskins, and then steal their stadium afterwords?

35. Double-Stuffed Oreos should just be called Oreos, and regular Oreos should be called Diet Oreos.


MaryC said...

Diet Oreos...I like it. Thanks for the laugh today.

Sarabeth Hudson said...

:) I like this. I might steal it, too!

Heather said...

oh dear, I was nodding and laughing at nearly all of these! thanks for the giggle! :)

shaina said...

just read this whole list to my hubs out loud... thoroughly enjoyed it. thanks for sharing!! <3

BigJerm said...

hey everyone. i wrote that last one (diet oreos). i've finally gone viral! thanks for helping make me obscurely famous.

**** April **** said...

I'm stealing this... just so you know! :) LOL

sharyncarlson said...

Oh super fun! And spot on. Thanks for the laugh!