Friday, February 06, 2009

Nakedness, Accidents and other weirdness

So, its been an interesting week in our household…

Mommy (that would be me) came down the stairs on Sunday afternoon to find the small one (that would be Jayden) hiding behind a chair in the play room.

So…perhaps not so weird to YOU, but to me, it was odd…

You see, he had already completely removed his pants and had his diaper worked down below his butt cheeks…which were pressed up against the window behind the chair that he was hiding behind…that would be the window facing the street…sigh…and so the naked phase began…

And Mommy – in her effort to high-tail it down the remaining flight of steps, remove those butt cheeks from the WINDOW facing the STREET and get those butt cheeks safely encased in a diaper AND some pants AND a belt AND some duct tape AND anything else I could apply that might keep said butt cheeks out of public view…

…SLIPPED on the top step, grabbed the banister, fell butt first down the steps, giving the right shoulder and arm a good wrench, bruising and scraping the right elbow, and bruising the left hip as well as knocking the wind right out of my sails.

Jay thought it was hysterically funny.

Daddy, who was supposed to be keeping an eye on the child but who had dozed off in front of a tennis match on TV, thought the world was coming to an end.

I thought, perhaps, I SHOULD have had kids in my twenties so as not to cause myself permanent bodily harm chasing them and their kid-weirdness around the house and at any rate aspirin would be a good thing to add to my to-do list for the afternoon.

Further weirdness ensued over the coming days…

You see, when your two year old masters the art of taking off his pants, he does it EVERY CHANCE HE GETS! Which, is cute – funny even – the FIRST time it happens…but then when you find yourself dressing him over and over (and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over…etc) it gets to be a pain…and weird.

Because two-year-olds have no sense of when it is the RIGHT time to disrobe and the WRONG time to disrobe – yes, we are using this as a lesson in when it is appropriate to bare one’s butt cheeks,(which, if mommy had her way would be only at bath time and after he was thoroughly married) and when it is not – but you see, two year olds do not CARE about when it is right and when it is wrong. They only care about the fact that they have mastered the motor skills to get naked and they are going to practice, practice, practice!

Unfortunately, they also have no sense of how shocking it is for a mommy to leave the room to put something away, and return some thirty odd seconds later to find a half naked boy child happily playing away as free as a bird, so to speak. Over the last week, I’ve found him naked watching TV, naked playing farm, naked looking out the window, naked reading books, naked rocking in his rocking chair, naked, naked, naked.

When I asked him why he kept taking his clothes off, he replied, “Caws I wan be naked!” When I asked why he wanted to be naked, he replied, “HUH?” Like somehow I’m odd for NOT wanting to be naked and he didn’t quite understand why I would be asking such a ludicrous question. And all this from a child who didn’t even want to take his socks off until very recently (we were lucky…we never went through the removing-the-socks-over-and-over-again phase)

As if I needed more evidence, this further contributes to my conclusion that little boys are weird. They are creatures of oddness (CUTE oddness, but oddness none-the-less) that I just do not understand.

I don’t understand why we have to “make a backett” with each of the Little People farm animals (or anything else that will fit in the basket ball hoop – except the basketball, of course), why Daisy Duck is the prettiest creature that ever walked the earth, why it is ok to “smooch” daddy but not “kiss” daddy, why all water contained in a bathtub must be put onto the bathroom floor prior to the bath being finished, why hot dogs are good for every meal…

And why nakedness is suddenly cool…

Peace, ya’ll!

3 comments:

MaryC said...

Well, at least he's only two and not twelve. LOL!
I think all 'boys' want to be naked. And say woo-woo when they pass you in the hall while they are naked. It's in the genes.

Sam said...

Caleb didn't go through a naked phase as much as he went through a "pants off" one...from about 2 until just before kindergarten started, he would remove his pants as soon as we stepped through our front door.

It never made sense to me either.

**** April **** said...

OH MY GOSH I was laughing SO HARD reading this... partly because I have never had to experience this but I know SO MANY PEOPLE that do! I'm glad it's you and not me, you're probably a little more well equipped to deal with this LOL... that's one funny kiddo!