Saturday, November 08, 2008

Conversations

As I sit and write this, I know I will be scrapping it. I can see a picture of my open Bible and a cup of coffee.

The words, though…they are harder.

Of all things I’m most grateful for in my life (and there is A LOT!), my personal relationship with Christ rises far and above the rest.

But finding the words to describe that relationship and my gratitude – it stretches my writing ability to the max.

As I look out over my faith journey, I realize that God has become a bigger and bigger presence in my daily life – not because He is any bigger, but because I have made more room for Him. Part of that making room is conversation.

I realize it makes lots of people nervous to consider that I have conversations with God. Some are more comfortable considering that I speak only to Him. Some are not even comfortable with that.

But for me, these conversations are very real. I talk to Him. He answers me. I talk to him about everything…what to have for breakfast, requesting that my family would sleep well, how to drive to work, how to handle a difficult co-worker, what I should read, listen to, scrap about. I try to make Him a part of everything, even the tiniest details.

He speaks to me through others. He speaks to me directly, as a voice in my head. He quickens things to my heart in such a way that I MUST do what I feel. He answers my questions through my daily scripture reading. He speaks to me by resolving situations in my world with no effort from me. He speaks to me by putting strangers in my path who coincidently meet whatever need or desire I’ve have. He shows me his faith by returning my faith exponentially.

Over time, He has opened my eyes to see the real world around me. Sometimes I see things so clearly its frightening – like I’m telepathic. He shows me things to pray about, to help with, to be understanding about, so that I can love people, understand them, be sensitive to who they are and what they are going through.

He has opened my heart – despite what others might think, my Christianity has not closed me off to what others believe, but opened me up. Not so I can believe what they believe, but so I can understand where they are coming from, have empathy for them, converse with them, pray for them.

He has made my world both smaller and bigger…my circle has certainly shrunk. But my opportunities to meet new people and affect lives for the better has grown.

He has changed the way I talk, how I approach difficult situations, how I handle small irritations, demanding people, crazy circumstances.

He has caused me to smile, even when no one else does.

He has helped me search deep inside, heal from debilitating emotional wounds, rise above my circumstances. He has helped me take responsibility for my actions, make different choices, risk more, and suffer less.

My conversations with God have shown me light where there was once only darkness, understanding where once there was confusion and growth were once only deadness existed.

As I become who I was meant to be, I discover that He had much in mind for me that I would never have purposed for myself and awakened things that I never even realized existed.

And I am eternally grateful that He would make the time to have a conversation with me.

Peace, ya'll!

1 comment:

**** April **** said...

This just left me with eyes full of tears... I am totally sharing this post of your with everyone I know... it's beautifully written, and it's so personal and touching and poignant that I feel anyone could read that and hope to experience it enough that you feel you could be the writer of that piece. Masterful... It's no wonder who was guiding your stream of consciousness as you typed. :) God bless ya sister... glad to have someone else aboard this magical journey of faith.

When I count my blessings -- I count you twice. :)