Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Unspoken...

Have you ever awakened with words in your mouth the time for which has long passed?

Sometimes the enormity of a situation dumbfounds us…and things are left unsaid…important things…

I have a friend from LONG ago who found herself in a situation that would be less than desirable for any of us. And, try as she might, there were no words to make it all right again.

There was another individual involved who had even less desire to be there. He happened to have something that my friend didn’t have - a viable but less-than-honorable escape route. He took his chances with his honor and fled, leaving my friend with her words and her feelings and her confusion and her pain to sort out the details and try to find a way through.

Now, 15 years later, my friend has made her peace. She has lived up to responsibilities she might not have chosen, found a love she didn’t think she had in her, exhibited strength that most do not find and, in the process, managed to carve a peaceful and happy life out of the world. She found her way in her own time.

And yet, things remain unspoken. So many things left unsaid.

Today, she will get a chance to confront all those unspoken words. But, there will probably be no opportunity to actually voice them.

The words to be spoken now belong to some one else. They have a higher priority. They matter more.

The words that need to be spoken now will bring closure, open new channels of communication, bring understanding…and possibly disappointment. They will provide an opportunity for healing and for growth…and for moving on to the next thing – with or without answers.

These events have shined a light on some of my own unspoken words…

I’ve found myself focused on the closed-off parts of my heart…on the things I wish I had the strength, wisdom, and opportunity to say…on things that I’m sure would fall on deaf hears…On words that should have been spoken long ago to people who more than deserved my most humble apologies, my most profound wisdom, my deepest friendship, my greatest trust, the best I had to offer.

In those times, I could not manage to find the words to make it all right again.

And now, across the distances of time and wisdom and life experiences…well…I still don’t have the words to make it right…I understand that nothing can make it right…but…I do have the words to express my deep emotion, pain, regret, love, trust, understanding…an honest apology.

Sometimes your mouth gets full of words the time for which has long passed…

Will you listen to my story?
It’ll just be a minute.
How can I explain?
Whatever happened, dear?
I never meant to hurt you.
How could I cause you so much pain?
All the words that I come up with,
They’re like gasoline on flames.
There’s no excuse, no explanation
Believe me if I could undo what I did wrong
I’d give away all that I own.
If I told you I’ve been
Cleanin’ my soul,
And if I promised you
I’ll regain control,
Will you open your door,
And let me in,
Take me for who I am,
And not for who I’ve been?
When I say I’m sorry,
Will you believe me?
Listen to my story,
Say you won’t leave me.
When I say I’m sorry,
Can your forgive me?
When I say I will always be there,
Will you believe me?
Will you believe in me?


Peace, everyone!

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