Thursday, February 01, 2007

I need help…

FOCUS…

That is my word for the year…

Here’s the thing…

I grew up a “fat” child…

When I look at pictures NOW of what I looked like THEN, I rarely see a fat child…

Still…it was my source of concern and woe for most of my developmental years…

So…here I am…36…three months post baby…and absolutely uncertain about where the heck THIS body came from.

I lost my pregnancy weight…

And despite what all the books and my doctor told me, I cannot believe that the pre-baby and the post-baby bodies would be so completely different. Am I even the same person?

Me and the mirror were already having relationship issues. The mirror and I have one of those co-dependent, love-hate, can’t-live-with-it-can’t-live-without-it relationships. But lately, the mirror and I are just frankly not getting along at all.

So…I started to look at myself and think...THIS is absolutely unacceptable. And, frankly, is driving me crazy.

When I got REAL, it dawned on me that I’ve gained 40 pounds since I was last happy with my body…40 pounds…and most of that was done in the three months between moving across the country and starting work in my new city. Yikes….

I researched a BUNCH of options: LA Weightloss was top on my list for awhile. Frankly, though, its very expensive and they require that you go through a weight loss period, a six week transitional period and a 52 week support period…and you pay the weekly fee for ALL of that time UP FRONT! I just can’t afford to be thin at that rate.

I thought about South Beach. But it’s a DIET, not a lifestyle change…and most of the “plans” I looked at had the same end result – they were not sustainable, lifestyle changes done gradually over a period of time.

Sorry Kirsty – Jenny Craig wasn’t even on my list…and for the record, neither was Nutrisystems. GREAT commercials…but I just cannot buy into boxed processed foods with all of their salt and chemicals. I think you lose weight because you can’t digest the darn food!!!

I thought about doing it myself…I mean I’m generally a healthy eater when I eat…I drink lots of water, snack on healthy foods, severly limit my processed foods and I don’t eat white bread at all. I don’t happen to care for fast foods and I’m not a big pasta eater…alas, its just not enough. Part of it is when I eat…and part of it is portion control…and part of it is I love sweet things and coffee.

WHY am I outing myself on this one?

Accountability.

I’m holding myself accountable for my choices and actions.

I’m focused on this truth.

And recognizing that even Superman has his weaknesses.

I need some help.

And I made a decision:

Weight Watchers, here I come.

5 comments:

karen said...

You will not regret WW...I did it last year and lost 15 pounds in 3 months!

I started back a couple weeks ago and I'm down 4 pounds!

Their on-line tools are fabulous and easy too...

you can do it!

Sam said...

I'm with you. I've been trying to get my self to WW since Christmas, and with all the craziness since then it just hasn't happened. I've really got to stop making excuses and just make it happen. I think our local meetings are Tuesday mornings, and that is totally doable for me.

holy chaos said...

one of my children's teacher's lost a bunch of weight on ww.

i know how you feel. i went to a store where i used to sell cosmetics today and i stayed away from that area because i did not want my old co-workers to see me.

six babies...stress...being 44... and loving coffee and sweets will do a number on you!

but i refuse to give up!

Gina said...

Hmmm.
Yep. I'm so with you. I find myself saying "where did THAT come from" much more often than I'd like. Let's see, what can I offer you/what's helped me...
1. This book: "French Women Don't Get Fat". (Really). It's about the attitudes American women have vs. those of the French regarding food. Really eye-opening.
2. I changed my cardio workouts to 45 minutes rather than only 30 (you're only burning sugar for the first 20 and start to burn fat only after the sugar has burnt off but you knew that).
3. Keep drinking that water. LOTS. This helps so much more that I ever realized. I used (and I mean like last week) to be horrible about this. It does help.
4. Work on toning the big muscles (the more they are toned, the more calories they burn) Situps don't get rid of the eekk around the belly area as effectively as working other (larger) muscle groups.
5. Eat lots of small meals to keep that matabolism (that spelling is completely wrong isn't it?) going. Otherwise I starve and binge. Little handful of nuts or half piece of fruit here and there.
6. If I'm trying to manage, I completely stay away from potatoes and bread of any kind (looks like you do to) They kill me on the scales.
Ok, that's WAY more than you wanted to know I'm sure.
Just some tidlibits I've discovered recently.

amazing grace said...

why is coffee bad??????

uh-oh.....:)