Friday, June 09, 2006

Luggage

So…

I started looking at my links on the side and realized…

I’m such a lazy blogger!!!

My music is all different right now…

I’m reading new stuff…

And my favorite blogger list DEFINITELY needs some updating!!!

I promise I’ll get to it soon…

It’s a time thing…you know how it is…

So…

Right now…

I’m reading Captivating by John and Stasi Eldridge.

If you are a woman who has ever felt alone (even in the midst of a loving
family and friends!), empty (even when life should be perfect) or desperate
for somebody to say, “I’m listening” this is a book for you.

When she describes how God created Woman as the climax of the creation
process – the most complicated and intricate piece of His creation – it
will bring you to tears…its stunning to read it and imagine it the way she
describes it.

It’s also stunning to have somebody spell out in very plain English that
Man and Woman were created in the image of God – both of them. Odd, you
might think…because we are so vastly different. But its just so
enlightening to read how we each represent different characteristics of God
and how it takes both to get an adequate picture of who our God is…

AND how many of the hurts and struggles we have as women are not due to
MEN, but to fallen Eve…such an earth-moving moment…I’m going to have to
read the book twice.

You will think of God and Beauty in an entirely new way – I promise.

So, I’m listening to some…uh…different things for me right now…

I’m very enamored of the song Boondocks by Little Big Town (I so identify with this being a small town girl…a small mining town, no less!) and Leave the Pieces by the Wreckers (which is actually Michelle Branch and Jessica Harp…so LOVE that their new record is called Stand Still and Look Pretty. It’s a tough chick thing…) and an old song by
Amanda Marshall called Beautiful Goodbye.

All songs I could listen to over and over and over again because of the
words, of course.

And lest you think I’m rambling aimlessly about things you probably care
NOTHING about…there is a theme here…

Forgiveness and heartache and getting past some things I’ve been holding on
to. And getting past what I WAS…

These are not new issues…I’ve been going around the mountain over these for
quite some time…You have read MANY entries on just such a topic!

But God is really challenging me to drop some baggage…

It’s kinda scary…

If my bags are a part of how I define myself, then dropping them becomes a
matter of figuring out just who I am without them.

Some of you might say, “Its as easy as letting go.”

I guess it is…

You know how they say that smokers have a lot of trouble with what to do
with their hands when they quit? Or when you have to make a speech and you
practice with a podium, but when you get there, there is no podium.

I sort of feel like that…

I don’t know what to do without my props!!! What do I do with my
metaphorical hands if I’m not juggling my bags?

I’ll tell you what – there is NOTHING to clean a slate like stepping out on
faith, cutting your losses and going someplace to start over.

But, as my fabulous husband says, “Where ever you go, there you are.”

And if you make the journey carrying baggage, well…there is your baggage
too.

Darn if you turn you back and run that those things aren’t always chasing
after you…

So…I’m working out what to do with my self-image, my identity, my dreams,
my desires, who I am…

I’ve made this much progress: I have figured out who I am NOT.

I’m NOT the stuff I’ve been carrying around in all my baggage all this
time…

Now…

If I could just pry my hand loose…

Peace everyone!

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