Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Possibility…

Lying awake at 3 am this morning, I was contemplating…

I am filled with excitement…

With the thrill of possibility…

Possibility…

How many times have we read this?

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

How many moments have taken your breath away?

I read another quote somewhere…It said something about how the most important moments of our lives are filled with details that didn’t seem to matter at the time.

Holding my god-daughter for the first time…there is a breathless moment….

It was a hot July and I was borrowing Scott’s car because I had been in an accident just days before and mom was visiting from Colorado…she had been born at a time when I had no car to get to the hospital, but here we were in a darkened room and they put this 10 lb baby girl in my arms wrapped in a blanket and I thought, “she looks just like her daddy!” My friend, my sister of choice, had given birth to this marvelous pink creature and I was holding a new live in my very arms…

Breathless…What will she be like?...What will my relationship with this little girl grow into?...What will my relationship with her mother grow into?

The day my husband proposed…there is a breath taking moment. (Why not the WEDDING day, you ask? Well…because I was never quite sure he was going to get around to asking me to marry him. After he asked, I didn’t wonder anymore!)

It was his birthday…I was wearing black pants and a blue shirt and flip-flops and we were sprinting through the Inland Center mall in San Bernardino on a rushed mission with a reason unknown to me, late already for a dinner date at the beach with his parents…he took a hard right turn into Helzberg Diamonds and there was a red-headed sales lady standing there with holding the ring…suddenly it was paid for and he was on one knee and there was a camera flash and a Polaroid picture and we were sprinting back out to the car to speed off to dinner.

Breathless…oh, my goodness…did he really do that? Are we really getting married?

Leaving California…there is a breath-taking moment…

It was a warm day – November 18, 2005. I was wearing cropped pants and pink flip-flops. It had been an exhausting day of packers and movers and ex-in-laws crammed into the 1100 square feet of space surrounded by boxes and packing paper and upside-down furniture wrapped in cloth…and suddenly, our tiny house was completely empty, all our worldly possessions off somewhere in the warm California night and our little family was rolling out of the driveway.

Breathless…Is this the right thing? Are we sure? Will I be able to start over?

Breathless and heartbroken…this time…I wasn’t so sure that starting over, that something new was exciting…it felt far more like terrifying.

And now…I’m standing on the threshold of yet another new life…I’ve had so many lives thus far…sometimes its hard for even me to believe I’m only 36! Another new life…Another invention, another incarnation, another expanse of possibility…

A new home…a new baby…a new church…a new job…

These are important moments surrounded by seemingly unimportant details…bank statements and inspections and doctor’s appointments and books and life groups and user manuals…

If you had told me six months ago this was possible and that all I had to do was close the door on my tiny California house and back out of the drive way, I would have said you were crazy. I would have said, “It doesn’t happen that way!” If you would have said, all your dreams will come true, I would have told you “those aren’t my dreams.”

But somewhere inside of me, all this time, through all the fun-filled days that have come before now, I have carried these dreams. They have always been a part of me…they were a part of me when I wanted to be an astronaut, wanted to be a rock star, when I wanted to be a party girl, when I wanted to just be left alone to live my life in peace…always I have carried these things as possibilities around in my heart, planted there ages ago, just waiting for me to grow into them, waiting for me to discover they were even there.

There is a saying, “Leap and the net will appear.”

What a leap I have taken…

What a leap…

A new home…a new baby…a new church…a new job…a new life…

Breathless…

Lying awake at 3 am this morning I was breathless…

I am filled with excitement…

With the thrill of possibility…

Possibility…

2 comments:

leah said...

man you can write girl! loved this post!!!! so exciting and so inspiring as usual! definitely a lot of changes!

karen said...

for the record, I DID tell you 6 months ago your dreams would come true :)

xoxooxox