Wednesday, April 27, 2005
Stell’s large Caramel Latte and a warmed Cranberry Scone
My CUUUUUTTTTEEEE new sneaks
Basic Grey Lollipop Shop and Sublime
My own Few-Minute-Boogie last night while my husband looked on and laughed at me…
The fact that Ter gave Chris MY phone number in case of emergencies…
My little doggy getting so excited when I ask, “Where is your leash?” that it would defy the laws of physics for her little butt to actually touch the ground when I tell her to “sit” so I can attach said leash to her collar.
That there is somebody in the world brave enough to eat their cake without hands:
That there are minds in the world that work like Vladimir Kush:
That there is e-mail…
The words of Jeremiah 29:11: "For I know the plans I have for you, says the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope."
HOPE AND A FUTURE!!!! RIGHT ON!!!
Monday, April 25, 2005
Nanabanana is 18 months old….when she hears a song she likes, she boogies right were she stands.
It doesn’t matter if she is on a chair in a restaurant, in her car seat or leaning on the dishwasher door.
It doesn’t matter if the song has a good dancing beat, words that are meaningful or the singing is pleasant.
If she likes it, she drops everything and does her best muppet impression in a way that makes her feel good.
She doesn’t care who is watching.
She doesn’t care what anyone thinks.
She just wants to boogie.
And I’m thinking….how wonderful would it be if it was ok for ALL of us to do this?
I could be in the elevator getting down to the muzak version of the Who.
I could chair dance in my car to a little Cyndi Lauper.
I could get up on my chair in a restaurant when Foreignor comes on.
The whole world could be doing a few-minute-boogie in the DMV line, the grocery store aisles, the airport gates, their work spaces, the freeway, to commercials on TV and the intro music to CSI, the office supply store, on the lot at the car dealership, in the street when a loud stereo drives by, at school, in church, in Best Buy and Sears and Kohls….
What an exhilarating concept…we’d get a few minutes of enjoyable exercise every time we indulged in a “free dance.” Imagine the bright eyes, pink cheeks, wide grins from just a tiny bit of moon-walk or running man or da butt.
We would loose ourselves from the debilitation of our “reputation.” If everyone is dancing, no body looks silly.
You might meet somebody you’ve never met because you both are doing your free-boogie to the same song. What a fabulous way to break the ice...
I wonder how many of us think, “OOOO! I LOVE this song!” and settle for a little toe tap when really their whole body is screaming to move, move, move…
I wonder how many people are just waiting for some one else to get it started…
Saturday, April 23, 2005
I'm so sad.
I will miss her terribly.
She is the one I make funny noises with.
She is the one I try new coffee houses with.
She is the one I bleed myself out upon.
She just listens and has no commentary...she neither agrees nor disagrees...she just is.
Our job is hard...hers harder than mine in most ways. She doesn't want this one anymore...she wants to move on to something less demanding. I don't blame her.
She wants to buy a house...I'm with her on that one...I can't afford a house in California either. I refuse to pay that much for a piece of real estate that will one day fall off into the ocean anyway.
She wants to be near her mom and grand mother. I can't blame her there either....
so she is moving to Arizona. Its not a matter of "IF." Its a matter of "WHEN."
And the knowledge of it is killing me.
I am trying to be suportive...I want her to be happy. I want her to have a house and to be near her mom. I want for her to have all the things that make a home and a family and a life that is happy and rewarding and fulfilling and peaceful. I want her to be her crazy, upbeat self again...its a part of her life that has been sucked out of her since things got crazy around here.
I went with her to buy a suit for her interviews...and a pair of shoes....and I've asked all the questions. How much money, can you afford a house, when will this take place, are you excited to be near your mom...I know it will be good for her!!!
But today I cried.
Even though I will help her buy a suit, I don't want to.
Even though I will help her find interview-appropriate shoes, I will miss her.
Even though I know its going to be good for her, I don't want to believe it.
Becasue I don't want her to leave...
I love her...and I will miss her....terribly.
Wednesday, April 20, 2005
Ok....Lets just do DH....
He smells like Amen cologne and passion-fruit hairspray.
He has the best arm muscles and the softest elbows in the world
He calls EVERYTHING a “chicken McNugget.”
He calls me Babe.
Tuesday, April 19, 2005
This is my latest adventure…the assignment was a circle journal called “dreams.” I thought to myself…wow…if you had asked me a year ago, my list would have been so long it would have filled the book! But what do I dream NOW???
I filtered my “dreams” list a lot over the last few years…faced with the reality that there really are only 24 hours in a day and that I must sleep a minimum of 4 of them to be a presentable human being was quite a blow to my list. Fortunately, it hasn’t stopped me from using my imagination, tho…I guess I went from a to do list – you know, where you tick things off as they are completed…to a litany of hope…these are things I actually imagine could happen, but even more probable, they are things I take myself to when I feel like the ticking off the to do list has gotten out of hand.
Can you read it?
1. Own and renovate a mission-style home
2. Make physical fitness a daily habit
3. Travel through Europe with just a back-pack and a camera
4. Go on African Safari
5. Learn to really cook
6. Learn to garden
7. Own a real dining room set.
8. Walk the Great Wall of China from beginning to end (ok that’s 3000 miles…I might be happy with just a bit of it!)
9. Be a mom
10. Visit New Zealand and Australia
11. Ride a horse as fast as the wind across and English moore
12. Start a scholarship endowment for arts education.
13. Have a Stickley sofa in my living room
14. Renovate a Chicago Brownstone
15. Have successful creatively based business
16. Travel by horse-drawn carriage through the Irish coutryside
17. Live as creatively as possible every day
18. Improve the quality of my photography
19. Have matching dishes
20. Ride a camel in Egypt
21. Raft the Colorado River
22. Dance wildly with the waves
23. Memorize the scriptures from beginning to end
24. Shower in a waterfall
25. Minister to children.
Monday, April 18, 2005
Color – periwinkle, pink, black
Word I most like to be described as - loving
Best meal I cook – “white” chicken enchiladas
Best Dessert – Bratzilli cookies
Favorite Book – The Bible
Outfit – Black pants, colored lycra t-shirt and flip flops
Bedtime – before 9 (I get up at 3 am to be at work)
Sound –a childs laughter, thunder and wild rain
Wish – forgiveness and peace, less quantity and more quality, to be the tortoise and not the hare
Style – Art & Crafts or Mission…something warm wood and real leather and stained glass.
Word – riiiiight, whatever, fabulous
What I crave – triple-shot caramel latte from Stell’s, quiet, Hunny love, chocolate, hugs
Surround me with – good music, laughter, candle-light, fresh air
Also at the inspiration of Ali, I read a few of the exerpts from Sabrina Ward Harrison and found this quote exceptionally timely, considering my Breaking Free experiences and my longing to find a more creative place in life:
"When do I stop and be Sabrina the way I am? When do I stop and believe that I am enough as I am? With all the parts of me that feel too small, or too lumpy or too quite or not edgy or too deep feeling...TOO TOO TOO TOO I must ask myself 'What am I trying to be that I already am?' If I don't love those parts of me - the tucked in, sucked in, silent parts, I think it will be a very sad journey and a pathetic waste fo time. If you're not yourslef, who will you be?"
I find myself expeptionally sensitive to the idea that I'm not the me I was created to be. That somewhere, along the line, I got so cought up in pleasing other people and reaching for that praise, that I forgot to be true to myself. I'm a corporate climber, though I have difficulty believing in the life-style, the mission, the practices, the products of the company I work for. The work is endless and un-rewarding, though the money is good. Is the money enough? I miss being a creative being...I miss being "weird" to the outside world. I miss not caring what anyone else thinks of me. I want to paint the walls in crazy colors and have a red door on my house. I want to forget diets and feeling like I'm too fat to do anything fun. I'm afraid of so many things, failure being the number one thing...I'm more afraid of failure than death...isn't that tragic? I'm tired of my peace and my hope being so fragile that I cannot take them out for a ride...I think finding my true self is going to be a tearful mess...but it is so necessary in God's plan for me to be that person again...that person sensitive to art and love and music and trees and people. I want to be that woman.
Saturday, April 16, 2005
If I say, "We don't have money for that." then we sure don't. And money won't be forthcoming
If I say, "Ugh, I'm so fat!" then I sure am and thinness won't be forthcoming.
It makes sense...first of all, words are powerful. Think not? Recall the last time someone was verbally mean to you - the teller in the bank, the checker in the store, some guy on the freeway, your teenager, whom ever. How did you react to their negative words? What manifested in your spirit from it?
So, if I back talk myself, then not only am I thinking negatively in the first place, but I'm reinforcing the thought by speaking it aloud. Then my ears hear it, and my mind finds a place for it. Now there are TWO places in my brain with that negative thought...where it came from first and where I stored it when I heard my own mouth speak it. You see the power of the reinforcement, here. And this isn't even taking into account what happens in my spirit, only with what happens in my mind.
Now, I also have to consider the fact that like attracts like...the law of reaping what you sow. If I'm speaking negativity, I cannot receive positivity becuase those two things are not alike. And if I sow negativity into my mind and my spirit, I cannot possibly reap positivity into my life.
If I speak out against something, I cannot receive it into my life. So, I'm making changes! I'm going to look into the mirror and say to my reflection, "you are so beautiful!" When somebody asks me how I am, I will say, "FABULOUS!" When we want or need something that requires dollars, I will say, "I will have the money for that." and give myself a time frame. I'm going to start speaking things into existence. I'm going to exercise my faith and step out into it. In the beginning, I will be speaking out in FAITH, but I am certain that in a very small amount of time, it will be manifestation!
1. Grab the nearest book.
2. Open the book to page 123.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of the sentence in your journal along with these instructions.
5. Don't search around and look for the coolest book you can find. Do what's actually next to you.
This was a particularly stressful job, and, ok, I do have altar-building tendencies. - The Office Sutras by Marcia Menter.
We must win the war against these things, and the only way to combat them is with a strong love walk. - Being the Person God Made You To Be by Joyce Meyer
I have several books to my left in a stack...9 of them, in fact. I took the two off the top and did it with both of them. I'm chewing on these...we will see what by brain churns out.
Friday, April 15, 2005
He is grounded. He is SO funny. He’s likely to chase me around the house laughing like an evil madman just to hear me squeal. He loves children and animals. And he brings me flowers just because he’s thinking of me when he’s out. I love this guy SO MUCH! And over the last few months, its as though God is re-awakening me to his charms and wonder. Its like falling in love all over again…I couldn’t ask for a better playmate! Lol
I have this lovely song in my head:
If I were a rich girl…La da dee da dee da da da da da da da da da da
If I had all the money in the world
If I were a wealthy girl….
What WOULD I do if I were a rich girl…hmmmm….I feel a daydream comin’ on!
Monday, April 11, 2005
Miss H saw the Pope lying in state, complete with full red and white regalia. You can picture it, right?
Upon veiwing the deceased, she ran into her mommy crying,
"WHAT HAPPENED TO SANTA CLAUSE?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?"
I love children.
Now...how does one tastefully scrapbook such a thing?
I heard Joyce Meyers preach about receiving. Not GETTING, but receiving. GETTING implies some sort of work on our behalf, while receiving means that we just allow things to come to us and accept them graciously.
When I meditate upon this, I think the strongest metaphor is a compliment.
I can do and be just to hear compliments….that is GETTING. I’m working for it. And when the compliment is not forthcoming, I’m disappointed and hurt. I feel let down…and I devalue my work or myself because somebody outside of me didn’t give me what I was expecting. In this lifestyle, if someone is critical or negative, I have almost no choice but to accept what they give…after all, I worked to GET it! And if compliments DO come, they are not enough…there is no long-lasting satisfaction for live well-lived.
But if I am just doing or being by just conducting of my life, executing my art, lending my hand or being a friend for friend’s sake, and compliments are forthcoming…that is RECEIVING. In this way I choose a life that is rewarding for the sake of living it, though no one else may understand or appreciate it. When good things follow a choice to live rightly, that is receiving. I just have to open my arms, my mind, my heart and allow things to come to me. I can choose in this lifestyle NOT to receive as well…if someone offers something negative or has criticism that is not constructive, I don’t have to receive it. These things, good or bad, do not validate or invalidate a life that is lived to be lived as opposed to a life that is lived to GET.
When I think of God’s blessings and the difference between GETTING and RECEIVING, I have revelation. A life lived in worship of God is reward in and of itself. It is pleasure to live in worship, in submission, in true obedience to everything we are created to be. A life lived that maximizes all we were created for, that highlights our uniqueness and our sameness, that pays attention to who one is and who one is becoming is a life of peace and comfort and contentment. If I am focused on being who I was made to be and I don’t give energy to longing to be some one I’m not, life flows smoothly, there is not strife or unhappiness, I don’t look to other people for my contentment. I only have to pay attention to God and to follow the path that helps me further become the person He has designed me to be. This kind of lifestyle allows us to receive blessings in unexpected ways. It makes all surprises good ones, because we know that every option placed before us will help us to grow and be more like our true selves. Each blessing is an additional joy, outside the joy of living a life in the way best suited for me.
Choosing to just live and to just create and to just be who I am called to be is a life that is less driven. I can still have a crazy schedule, but fill it with things that bring me closer to who I was created to be. If I choose to live this way, I don’t allow tasks that fill my life with busy.
I want to live this way…not to GET…but just to live and receive.
Saturday, April 09, 2005
They took me to dinner at the Cheesecake Factory for my birthday. The only one missing was Sareta! :-(
Weird Friend Teri, Miss D, L’il Deb, Me, My Best Girlie Kat
How is it that in a few short hours girlfriends can heal all wounds, smooth all feathers, calm the spirit, pump you up, feed you well, share desert, and make it feel like no time has passed since the last time you felt this great? Girlfriends DEFINITELY rule.
We had this lovely thing…
We each had an entree....Chicken Marsalla, Chicken with biscuits, Chicken Madiera and a shrimp/pasta/mushroom dinner, heavily modified. FABULOUS food!
And then I had THIS for my BD “cake”
They give the GREATEST gifts – and always know EXACTLY WHAT WILL WARM YOUR HEART!!!
A Scarf to Help Breast Cancer Research
A Brighton Necklace
Tower'o'gifts (with 8 million TIC TACS!)"
What part of princess do you not understand?
Thank you my girlfriends!!! You are all so FABULOUS and I love you all so very very much!!! My blessings abound with you around!!!
Friday, April 08, 2005
I’ve been a slightly successful musician and still have people I don’t know say hi to me in the grocery store… “Hey…aren’t you…?” Yes, I am…and I’ve gotten rid of my big hair, sausage-casing dress and fringed boots, so can we forget I used to be that person? I know this feeling…this here’s-a-stranger-I-need-to-be-polite-to-even-though-I-have-a-migraine-and-I’m-PMSing feeling. It’s weird. It evokes sympathy for every celebrity – even Jacko. And I’m thinking…it has to be even stranger if you are a SCRAPBOOK celebrity. Think about this…you are famous because you have successfully incorporated a hobby into your life. There has to be some oddity finding yourself talking to complete strangers who have done so much to meet you that they could be prosecuted under the stalking laws just because you SCRAPBOOK!!!
In my world, I barely get respect for scrapbooking. I have my scrap buddies, but my “normal” friends don’t get the addiction to paper, the mess on my desk and my pride at FINALLY completing a layout that is absolute perfection. They whisper, “Oh you know! She’s a scrapbooker!” Believe me, I get fewer weird looks from announcing I’ve farted than from announcing I scrapbook.
I found, with exceptional glee, that Donna D now has a blog. I already read a BUNCH of others…my favorites list is enormous. Its enlightening. Its uplifting. I feel like I’m in a community and I know what the town officials are doing. I just so much enjoyed adding hers to my favorites that I almost couldn’t contain myself. It’s cool to know they are REAL PEOPLE. Its cool to see their pics, their weirdness, their gym clothes, their favorite books, the music they listen to…its cool for them to be more than just names and pages in magazines and faces at the signing table at CKU. It’s my way of saying, “See! I’m not weird! All these cool women do this!”
So, to all you sbc’s out there, THANK YOU for opening up your world so we can see inside and assuring so many of us. And pardon me if I “stalk” you a bit…I promise I won’t show up on your doorstep, unless you invite me!
Thursday, April 07, 2005
I don’t do alcohol anymore….Thank God, because there are years I can’t remember.
But I do drink LOTS of Coffee…Ok, I’ve traded “relaxed” for “jazzed.” That works…
I don’t sleep all day on Saturdays anymore
But I still take naps…
I don’t eat cold pizza for breakfast
But I still have pizza for DINNER once a week
I don’t run around the house with a squirt gun
But I still long to…note to self: BUY SQUIRT GUN!!!
I don’t color in color books
But I still cut, paste, draw and paint (YEA, SCRAPBOOKING!)
I don’t buy nose-bleed heels because they are SOOOO CUTE!
But I still buy athletic shoes because they are SOOOO CUTE!!!
I don’t ride my bike up and down the driveway anymore,
But I still ride my bike – as often as possible.
I don’t collect trinkets, baubles, or stuffies
But I do collect the memories that they represent
I don’t own even one set of crayons,
But I do own SEVERAL sets of colored pens.
I still have to do the laundry, dust and clean the bathrooms (my childhood chores!)
I still love dogs!
I still LOVE LOVE LOVE cartoons and movies for children.
I still love to read – and especially love to read children’s books.
I still collect song lyrics in notebooks for future reference.
I still paint my toenails baby blue and lavender and orange.
I still like tickle fights.
I still dream of a home by the ocean.
I still love to listen to rock bands really loud and sing along.
I still secretly wish I was a ballerina.
I still long for that stroke of creative genius.
I still believe in Santa Clause.
On that note, I think its save to say some things just aren’t worth giving up…no matter how hold you get!
Wednesday, April 06, 2005
Originally uploaded by chksngr.
35...I was 35 yesterday...I think it surprised my mother more than anyone...I was completely sick the ENTIRE day with some stomach thing. Happy Birthday. It allowed me the luxury of staying in bed all day...not a bad way to spend a birthday, as far as that goes. It has been a good year...the next one will be better.
Monday, April 04, 2005
Here is my Random Act of Creativity...as promised....it is a blown glass vase that I got for 40 % off at Joanns...and 10 tulip stems for $2.99 at TJs....combined together to make birthday gifts (I got two of them!) for two of my co-workers - one of whom has a birthday today and one who has a birthday on the 6th! I'm going to make matching cards with my new SA kit tomorrow!!!
I love RAC's....
Rose Is Rose
Originally uploaded by chksngr.
Goal today: Randoom Act of Creativity...I have no plan, no subject, no ideas at all...but I will do something randomly creative and for others today.
My dice say: Create BIG....he he he...the universe has aligned.
Saturday, April 02, 2005
But I'm seriously starting to wonder if I'm addicted to paper...I've been browsing the shopping sites...I'm in love with the new Basic Grey, the new Foofala Pish Posh, the new Mod line, the new KI line, the new Rhonna Farrar line...I just want it all. I made a shopping basket. 3 sheets of each paper I like - one for details on a cardstock page, two as backgrounds...its how I buy all my paper! If I actually hit the "continue with purchase" button, I would have purchased $187.66 worth of paper. And the scary part - when I got it home, it would be like wrenching out my heart to actually USE it on a project....
Does that mean I'm a true addict?